MOBILE, Ala. (PRWEB)
July 26, 2023

Heartaches, disappointments, and challenges are all a part of growing up in today’s world. It is inevitable. But the good news is that resilience skills can be learned. AltaPointe Health’s chief medical officer, and child/adolescent psychiatrist, Dr. Sandra Parker, shares a few ways parents can help their children learn to navigate life’s many challenges.

“Resiliency is the ability to overcome a serious hardship. Being able to deal with challenges, overcome them, and know that whatever you face, you can overcome it and move forward,” explained Dr. Parker. “We can help our children build those skills and learn to manage feelings of stress, anxiety, or uncertainty.”

POWER OF POSITIVITY

Dr. Parker explains that it is important to acknowledge that bad things are going to happen, and to allow our children – as well as ourselves – some time to feel bad. But what’s even more important is finding a way to turn your thoughts around.

“We should give children and ourselves some time to feel bad about whatever happened and acknowledge that we had an outcome that made us feel disappointed or sad. But many studies, and even brain scans, show that if we tell ourselves that we are okay, then our brain actually transforms itself into a positive thinking brain. Just like an antidepressant works for depression by changing the neurotransmitters, so does thinking positive thoughts,” said Dr. Parker.

CONNECTION IS KEY

One thing that all children need in their life is a meaningful connection. Dr. Parker shares that at an early age, they need at least one caring parental figure who can give them complete and unconditional love.

“It doesn’t necessarily have to be a parent. It just needs to be a person that makes the child feel secure, someone who teaches them core values that will help keep them grounded and feel good about themselves as they develop hard times in life,” added Dr. Parker.

As they get older, children need to find that connection with friends. Parents can help encourage their children to join groups or teams like clubs at school, girl scouts, boy scouts, athletic teams, or talent-driven activities.

“Help your child develop a core group of friends that they can be connected to and friends that even when times are bad, they will support your child,” explained Dr. Parker. “And sometimes with a shy child, parents may have to really encourage the child to develop those friends, because some kids are shy, and they don’t do that on their own.”

PRAISE THE EFFORT

When it comes to positive praise, Dr. Parker says be sure to keep the focus on the work that goes into accomplishing something or the effort that the child has made.

“Don’t just praise the outcome. Praise the effort. Because if they put in good effort, they should feel good about it regardless of the outcome,” said Dr. Parker.

She adds that there will be times that they don’t make a team, or they don’t make a good grade – and the foundation needs to be set that the effort is still greatly valued.

COMPETENCE BUILDS CONFIDENCE

Children need to feel competent, which is only learned through gaining experiences. What a parent can do is give the child opportunities to have those experiences and make their own choices.

“We want to encourage them to make wise choices. But the reality is sometimes they may not. And sometimes they may fail. But even failures are learning experiences. It’s important to teach children that we all are going to fail sometimes. And we can learn from it and either try again or try something a little different the next time,” explained Dr. Parker.

The more children feel comfortable making their own choices and decisions, the more confident they will become in their efforts and hard work.

CHARACTER AND CONTRIBUTIONS

“Its important that we work with our kids to build character. And we as parents need to model good character,” added Dr. Parker. “Let your child see that you do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do.”

Whether that may be putting the grocery cart back when you are done, or picking up litter that you’ve accidentally dropped.

“It’s amazing what kids learn from us when we don’t even realize it. But they will retain those things,” said Dr. Parker.

Along those lines, it’s also important to let your child take part and learn what it feels like to contribute in different ways.

“Let them see you volunteer, or help get your neighbors mail, and let them be a part of it. Or let them help you with something, even if it’s just setting the table. Let them see what a contribution they are making, and then they will realize that life is better and the world is better a place because they are in it. And hopefully they will remember that when they do have those hard or dark days,” explained Dr. Parker.

CONTROLLING WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL

Children need to learn that most of the time, their behavior often determines the outcome of something. While there are times that things are outside their control, parents need to show them that even though they are kids, there is still a lot that they can control in every situation.

“Help them focus on what they can control. Help them see that they got the A because they studied, or that they are a great athlete because they practice a lot. Let them master some things and see that they do have control over a lot of outcomes in their lives,” added Dr. Parker.

A CALM RESPONSE

When things do go wrong, or things are out of their control, children need to learn that they can actually choose how they respond. They can choose to respond in an emotional way, or they can choose to respond in a thoughtful way.

“Try to help your child as they mature to have a calm response. And we as adults have to model that, too. So, we need to be calm when something happens that is not good. We need to be calm and thoughtful and try to come up with a solution to solve it,” said Dr. Parker.

“That’s so important when kids get to be teens and young adults in college. They need to learn that nothing is the end of the world, even if it feels like it in the moment.”

ABOUT ALTAPOINTE

AltaPointe Health is an extensive mental health and family medical healthcare system in Alabama. Our clinicians provide more than 1.3 million hospital, outpatient, residential and crisis services annually. AltaPointe’s access to care line answers 76,175 calls for help each year from the community.